Hibernating like a BEAR!

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Dear corner,
I found myself losting somewhere
I should have notice this very very long time ago
Is it really PASSION matters? or it is just the FEAR inside me?
Keep giving reason to reassure myself
But deep down i know, im avoiding all these time
The monster at the corner roam further and further
become more and more occupying
Why am i keep giving myself reason to stay with this shit that i know its so wrong?
I have no right to say TIRED. Coz i know i been resting for so long.
Since ever that day i cant feel my pulse and my breathing. Living like a corpse.
So long, so long & how long would this goes on?
Noone can live in the past but i am doing nothing to help me in the future.
I am happy to be myself today just because of i my past.
And i know, i will just stop here if i dont have any courage to take any step towards.
Seeing others presenting their real self and their thinking,
i started to doubt to myself.
I either dont have any thinking or i actually dont even give a fuck to think about it.
I rather be a blank paper. No marks. No words. No image. and no BRAIN.
So that i wont have to think so much before every act.
I had find thousand reasons for myself and spoil myself
Until i dont even know who am i and what i want.
I know, chances always knock your door before getting ourself ready.
But I DARE NOT OPEN THE DOOR.
Hiding at the corner, scaring like a coward.
Screaming for help? Noone could hear me. Shout freaking loud. Do you hear me?
I mean i always know what to do and what should do.
I m just like a well-trained machine with a very organize and systematic mindset to accomplish every task given. I get used to it. People see i m doing well yet i m trying to potrait myself to the best condition in front of everyone. Its getting hard to pretend. BITCH stop faking please.
Hiding so much for what? AIYOOOOOO~ I asked this to myself.
Is this why it block me from moving forward? From seeing how others growing and just stay there to stare at their back?
My brain started to rust. Feel like not gonna to do anything to fix it.
I shouldnt do that. I KNOW I KNOW.
Again, i m always doing something wrong that i always KNOW ITS WRONG.
Three question popped-out :
What i really want to achieve?
What can i contribute instead of keep taking?
Why I am so scared to take up the challenge?
Life teach me to be reality. So noone would wait for you and spoon feed you.
Can i know where the hell i gain the courage to stand up when i was a toddler?
Hey, the world is ugly. You and me know that clearly.
If you are not taking, people are grabbing outside there.
I walk with my own rhythm,  enjoy my own view here. Not knowing how fast people cut me off. Not knowing people actually speed to get a better view in front.RUBBISH~
Feel so glad to know you and now, i understood GOD stay me here for purpose.
To meet you. To see how different the world could be threaten even you are not align with the normal.
To feel who you really are and to envy you how could you be so holy to do so much to amaze people.
My growth curve. ----------------------------------
I have no curve. What the shit is exponential curve? Perhaps i wont understand it FOREVER~
Where am i? And who am i?
Drunk in my own world and dare not to wake up.
Splash me water please.


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