Fang's corner

This time, i am getting clearer to what i want and what i donot It's been two years I thought i feel comfortable living with em I thought if i do my part of job in bonding I thought if i really mix em with my real self I will someday find a position within it Somehow this day feels like never come effort made seems just having temporary effect And the feeling of dispatch getting stronger and stronger when im apart with em The saddening part is How am i gonna admit that i loved the atmosphere and people back then Once a friend told me that its like a broken-heart relationship where you feel u still loving yet you dont wanna touch that part anymore There's always be thousand reasons for u to push you away from the people you met and used to mixed around You tell yourself to get over it and best remedy is to face the fear deep down So you took up courage to step halfway inside the memory pieces again Then you found that still not too bad Once again you find back

When there is noone left to blame it's yourself feel helpless and staring blank in finding way to make numb yourself Waiting Scrolling Waiting Scrolling Rolling Staring blank Waiting Hypnotizing Coz it's the only way to make you feel better And indeed it will turn better.

So what now? You see clear that all human are born to just pay responsibility on themselves. People just do whatever to get what they want. You see their selfishness. Their brainless actions. With cold eyes. And for all these years, we keep struggling for a better person, better nation and better tomorrow. Though im having really strong feeling to get away from this land, yet feeling too vulnerable to seek way out. There is no guarantee that leaving here to out there able to get me a better life. But at least i know that my effort is not fooled and controlled by this country. Younger time defeated by education system. Elder time am i gonna just be a slave of this society? Inflation. Currency. Knowledge. Capability. Financial. All these big words made me seems so small in front of them. Tiny. Shameful. I dont even know what im doing now will it be leading me to the path that i want. Ultimately, people want pride and money. And is this my ultimate goal? I just wanna live a

Guess what?! After a long planning and dwelling with where should go with my bitches, we finally make a Hatyai trip happened. haha at least one okay? Ahh three of us is completely different from each other in the sense of mindset, behavior, even MENTALITY (haahahah we have one retarded) and you know there must be time being pissed off when you stay together Things do not always meet consensus Things do not work like what you wish to But, still pretty nice cause this combination just complement each one of us Everyone is flawed in one way or another & it is from the flaws and humanity we get drama, fun and romance. True, huh? And you can never stay any closer without having a trip with ur buddies for life.

Ohya, i have train a warm place to keep me warm. Tadaa! When the light dont move and colours dont fade. *ignore the messy hair*

Lately, Im kinda into writing. Feels like by articulating my voice lingering in mind could actually preserve the memory eternally. Not bothering whether it's true Still try to write more frequently as it might help in self reflecting. Ahuh. Attended a workshop and a gathering today. Practically the workshop is a good one. The content and the person delivered are all useful tips. But just dont know why i cant feel like stay till the end. Maybe i ve actually figured out what i want and what i need. Is this consider as egoistic as in behaving reluctantly to learn? Ohh hope it's not. And The gathering. A little realization here. Feel like to protect the experience and the people who came into my life with lots lots of cares you know. Coz every single of them counts. They are the people who creates laughter and sorrow for you. You got NO WAY just to wipe off the memories you have. Ahhh how i wish every bond with them could be maintained even though we are apart. For the re

How long will you visit here for once? When was the last time you were here flipping my writings to check out more bout me? Feel like seriously caring every words you said You know, you dont live for others if it is, congratulation you're gonna suffer at the end of the day Not just a heartbreaking one It gonna be YOU trapping in the maze trying to find the exit You know you cant care too much But it just not convincing at all You got no reason to breath without air You got no reason to listen without other's saying It's fine

The scariest part come everything goes so normal and usual and brain start working thinking of  the possibilities thinking of ways to get out of this box thinking of if it's get harder thinking of if it's not gonna work as what i think thinking of if it's gonna repeat things will be the same wrong method wrong way woke up such a bad dream. how the hell to get back like the start Afraid stay too far walk too far and get too far like you cant control Ass.