Dream Crusher #6

Hey you bitch!

See how you've been holding up & guess what

It's been more than a month since after the doom.

Distractions like friends, work, tinder, music, guitar, alcohol sometimes...the list goes on & on

Are the key reason that i am still surviving terribly now.

It makes me forget things for a while & you came back to me again in whichever way you could.

I wanna let the communication die off so i start learning not to text you and not to call you.

But its so painful, deep down in my head in my memories you are everywhere.

Every moment spent with you happened just like yesterday.

Sorry, i feel so sorry to myself that i dont know how long im gonna do this to myself.

So, I texted the girl who you might prolly already move on with

I dint bitch her out or lash her out or anything, but just wanna her to know that your departure from my memories indeed giving me a hell full of hard time. & if years down the road, i wonder she will have the same ending with me? or she gonna  own you just forever? & will this still bothers me of not having you?

It's so unfair. Till today I'm still bitter about the happiness once i thought gonna with me forever, and now it belongs to others. I thought i m gonna have tears in my eyes when you get down on one knee in front of me. VOILA!Undoubtedly I'm gonna say YES!

I thought you gonna walk me down the aisle with me beautiful in white.

That is still the ending i thought i deserve so much, but apparently its only gonna happen in the ever wonderland.

I dont know if i can be happy again. I dont know if i able to date a good guy anymore. I dont know if i can have faith in love anymore. I dont know how to do shit in my life. 

Though having my own family has always been one thing that i wanted it so much. 

But now i dont know how to make it happen. 

Can anyone save me out of this whole tragedy?

Not you & you, coz i will only keep on breaking your heart & i really cant give you any piece of me now. Sorry.

Peace out for now.