Fang's corner

Hey i guess thats it right? & you dont really concern on my post anymore. Not giving any fucking care to my social media anymore. Yea im jealous, sometimes im jealous of why am i the one who dwell in this memory corner and you the one who happily move on. Is there ever something fair in this world? Perhaps everything doesnt matter anymore. But seriously, how generous can i be?   Sometimes i still wonder, will you think of me even just for a second?  Call me a bitch, but i hope karma is real😜 Your name is forever the name falling off my lips. TOODLES!

Fucked up. Messed up. Im out of my mind Totally I dont know like what i want and what i feel at this moment anymore. Like people got their very right to go after for their happiness Why am i the one who have this nasty emotion coming in when knowing that the fact is there Right in front of you C’mon What u thinking? You know you are not capable to change anything and anyone You know every damn truth, yet you chose not to see it. & you let evil fantasies slipped into your thought. Once again, you feel stupid, naked and helpless. God DAMN, wake me up please!!!! Hey, so much more thing in this world need more attention & concern from you. Why you wanna wasted it on the person who doesn't need them from you? I KNOW I KNOW! But my mind kinda fucked up & i guess i know why people screw up life sometimes. You cant explain but you just did it tho its all against normalcy. I feel so incompetent, so i keep stuffing as much as knowledge to my head! I feel so ins...

Hey you bitch! See how you've been holding up & guess what It's been more than a month since after the doom. Distractions like friends, work, tinder, music, guitar, alcohol sometimes...the list goes on & on Are the key reason that i am still surviving terribly now. It makes me forget things for a while & you came back to me again in whichever way you could. I wanna let the communication die off so i start learning not to text you and not to call you. But its so painful, deep down in my head in my memories you are everywhere. Every moment spent with you happened just like yesterday. Sorry, i feel so sorry to myself that i dont know how long im gonna do this to myself. So, I texted the girl who you might prolly already move on with I dint bitch her out or lash her out or anything, but just wanna her to know that your departure from my memories indeed giving me a hell full of hard time. & if years down the road, i wonder she will have the same...

真的可以说不爱就不爱了吗？ 不喜欢就不喜欢？ 我对你付出的青春这么多年，换来的却是谢谢你的成全 我想，我永远都不懂得爱

这次真的很痛很痛很痛 每天早上醒来就感到很痛 哭到泪干了但还是每天都在哭 很想讨厌你因为很想你 但我却做不到 因为曾经太太太投入 太爱了 太相信 太幸福 太开心 太自由 没想到给了这份自由 结果换来的尽是背叛 很想爱你 但我已经没有这个能力 因为太痛了 面包与爱情 我选择了面包 这就是结局 不跟剧本的结局

And i was thinking that how much blessed i had from God That i can go chase dream while having my pillar support behind I will always remember how bold and courageous i can be to go for the things i want in life Knowing that there is always someone to back me up Yet, it turned out to be a fantasies that i fall so hard for Dream stay forever as dream I wish i dint make any move, wish i was still there. So, my dream wont be a dream now. My lovely baby girl, I will always love her no matter how much she merajuk. sayang her is my happiness and i will never get bored of her. My lovely baby cutie pie, I will always love you no matter how you merajuk. Sayang you is my happiness and I will never get bored of her. Words are just words. & they still touch my nerve so much. 

I said i dont wanna miss out any part of your life anymore You said its fine because we were working out for better future You never told me that our love fade But instead you are using the words of ‘feeling’ Said you dont have feeling towards me anymore Since when the love became just feeling So all the words are just words They means nothing but just cruel shit slap to my face My gut told me not to miss out any part of each other life anymore But my gut dint tell me that you already have somebody who can give you better than i can So, you left me all alone in the fantasies you built. You left. Forever. That hurts.

So you told me that you stop loving me and you fall out of love from me. I was shocked and i dint realize that i was the one who moved out from your heart & now you find someone who u’d like to share your happiness with. I drank like real lot. I wish to get drunk and i can at least get a good night sleep. But the more i drank, the more sober i got. I have never been sober this way. So sober that i can feel all pain in my nerve so obviously, ripping my heart apart. I hope thats just a terrible nightmare. I hope u were joking. But apparently, things getting clearer & clearer when you insisted. I was disappointed. Of all the things we did together, of all the memories we have, Your confession isn't asking for forgiveness, yet asking for a breakup. So i said it to your face. Mental cheating, stop loving me & like me lesser than ever. Heart so break.

We mold the version we want others to see & believe, boosting the disguise just to impress. It was during my freshman year. The first time i met you, that you were down there speaking so charmingly to impress all the audience. I was suspicious that everyone in the room sees you wants you. Then, you told me that you spotted me far from my seat in the crowds, too. A beam of smile can't express how glad i was to hear this. In my interview, i was just hoping 'NO, THIS GUY IS NOT MY INTERVIEWER', because if it is i'd just freak out & my mind goes blank. The next second, You sat down in front of me next to my interviewer. & that moment paused for a lil while in forever, coz i really wanna impress this guy so badly. Then, you told me that you did it purposely & recruit me in your team. Then you started asking me out for food. Said you were hungry all time, so I brought you around for food. You bought me a cake for my b'day celebration with the team, I...

Dear you, You thought you were strong before And now you feel vulnerable coz you got literally noone to get your ass covered. The first week living in a total different country with some familiar language I just wanna say that its truly a kind of adventure i chose to take on Tho seriously having homesick and i miss the life i have in back then And i thought when im given a BIGGER chance i am eager enough to step into all kind of situation given This week been an emotional one with lots of deep conversation i have in my mind First time ever i feel like to escape & varnish First time ever i feel so broken i feel i cant be myself Coz im just so not comfortable in the position right now. Move into new apartment change a new job & life gets tougher. Coz apparently i dont really know if i can perform beyond of what i ve signed up for. Settle things down, live a life, observe how people do it; i maybe able to adapt it soon, too. Buy necessities on a tight budget, run ...

HAHA! Please allow me to start this write up with a kickass photo. Coz what im gonna share here is kickass too. So, i've been search up and down for the job that i think i might like to do (coz i ve never try so i cant tell if thats where my passion is). After a year of grumbling, my call has been answered. There are 2 of my bold request for 2018 as 2017 i got none of them checked: Try an environmental consultant job  Reason: The market is niche. & so i knew if i were to get a chance to swamp inside i would be maybe valuable years later down my career. I like challenge scarcity and wanted to be as rare as diamond (tho diamond lie been spreading over). Nahh. Actually i just wanna make count of my 3.5 years in Uni. I wanna know giving in what i wanted to study at the first place to take whats offered during that critical of time would lead me to where. I wanna know is it when there's a will, there's a way. I wanna know if i can be treated as fair as all my l...

Today I've come across a video saying that how finding & doing the purpose in life could bring one's benefits. If you have a purpose in your life, it increases good cholesterol, gives you more friends, give you more meaning, engagement, life satisfaction & happiness. And also better sex. Haha. If you have a purpose-driven life, it adds years to your life. 'Become the key to every door'. A higher purpose brings you energy & courage to leave your comfort zone. When you clarify your purpose, You take back your external locus of control, where you worry about what other people think, and you take an internal locus. You become centered. You become powerful. When you find purpose or meaning in one area of your life, it grows in every area of your life. Because you are one person. You & I are designed to be purpose-seeking mechanisms. You ve been shaped by life. You ve had bad experiences & good experiences. & both the bad experiences &...

I am running towards the hope every single day Keep chasing Woke up in the morning The first thing i do was hoping for the good news from you finally reach me I aint a very lucky person I always couldnt get what I've been longing for Tho with the hardwork and effort paid, the result is not what i really expected But it never turns out too bad Still, I always manage to achieve something good But why,  Why cant just im lucky for once & get a chance for what i want? Could i just be better if I obey in accordance with what have been arranged? Or is it just i dont understand myself enough that You think u might do the best choice for me Despite all the trial i taken I still receive no news on the thing I want All I want is just to go really deep into something I'm passionate in   But how could I not given a chance to do so? Stay positive, this is what they told me & the only thing i can do Chance and luck Where are you? Do you reall...

I'd think that we are all living in a lost place that looked real and smelled real. Our struggle is real. 'Some people like to trade whatever bits they have found of other things of value. Sometimes they're of no value at all but it's become a bit of a sport now. Money has no value- all we need is found readily on the streets- So, there is no need to work for pay to provide for ourselves. There is, however, a requirement to work to help a village, age, health, and other personal reasons permitting. Our occupations are more of a community service rather than for self-gain.' This is the world i've been longing for. Will it be real one day?

致亲爱的你们， 很舍不得，真的很舍不得 我曾经怨天为什么没把我送远离家乡到另一个地方开启我大学生涯 但 我选择了接受并且兴奋地迎接来自不同地方和背景的你们 想要把你们所有都涌入我的怀抱 （对不起，我的占有欲强） 如今想象一个一个渐渐的要离开的你们 心情万分交集 很开心的与你们一步一脚印的创造了许多回忆 从逛街 吃东西 抄功课 赶功课 当司机 温习功课 作弊 吵架 泛泛之交 到坦诚相对 有开心的 有兴奋的 有愤怒的 有不爽的 这一切 教会我怎么用心真诚对待每个人来换取大家的坦诚 因为每个人都在每个人心目中预定了位子 只是座位排法随着时间不断改变 然后慢慢的 你们不分先后地 各自在我心里都定了无法改变的VIP位 很可笑的 有时大家忙着在大学里成长 要时间过快些因为要毕业 说着说着 真的毕业了 很心酸 因为每天与你们见面的时间突然没了 习惯了 在平时没人一起吃饭时 随叫随出的你们 想庆祝一些小开心或大开心的日子时 都可以和你们一起 最后 时间却残忍地宣告 我们的曲终 等待人散 永远的十分美，十分天真，十分幸福

Hey yea, so tired now.  So here's the 23 years i spent with myself.  And cause of too afraid that i might be left out by the fast rythm time, i am doing as much as i can. Even exceed what i can. And i have pictures in my head Ideal pictures that i want in my future All these linger in my mind serve as timely alarm awake me whenever im procastinating awake me whenever im slacking I have so much thing to accomplish Though i try doing it, i am not sure whether the chance will come knock my door The more i grown up, the weaker and smaller that i feel im At this moment, i just wanna remeber HOW AMBITIOUS I AM.

每次每次都会很真诚很真诚地面对每个人 希望每个人都活得安好 有什么 我就会坦诚 但 渐渐地我发觉这个方案并不受用 因为我在乎所以直言 因为我珍惜所以坦诚 怎么了 大家都无法接受自己丑陋的恶习 所以就算坦诚 别人只会当做是斥骂 当做是种不体谅 因为我体谅 尽管是错事所以当我替你盖了 因为我在乎 所以坦诚要你面对错误 曾经 我坚信沟通是能解决无所不能的问题 可是怎么现在却不管用了 也许 不管什么都不管 才是最好的 如果 你说的别人都不在乎 都没在听 你还会说吗？ 时间不够用了 怎么还管啊？

我很勇敢地拾起满地碎片的玻璃 放下尊严 放下面子 我以为这份勇敢可以让我重拾过去 但 心还是一样的很疼 我不怪你提早离开 并没有要求你回来 但 回头一看 你给的并不多 就因如此 你给的越是珍贵 你的努力我越是珍惜 但 当你一一否定你说过的话时 我真的真的很很很心疼 你说你总是很少给承诺  所以你曾给过的 都是我就最珍贵的 这么多次不一样的字眼 不一样的时间 不一样的承诺 在一夜之间 突然你对它们的否定 全都变没有价值了 告诉我 你凭什么给了那么多 然后又要拿回 我很气 可但我更伤心 所有的勇气和信任都是你给的 我 不明白 到底是为什么 爱会变成你的包袱 对我 爱是期待 是希望 是包容 是你一步一步地带我走进来 你要我勇敢 可但 现在你却忘了要一起勇敢地面对未来的一切 你给了很多很多的不美好未来的假设 同时你忘了在你身上我见到的是对未来的憧憬 是什么让你变得不再勇敢 为什么 为什么都一样 说着给不到我要的 所以我不要求 说着我的包容对我不公平 所以不要我辛苦 时间 你好可怕 你让人忘记了要怎么继续勇敢 你让人忘记了要怎么继续维护 你让人忘记了要怎么继续渴望 你让人连变了都不懂为什嚒 差一些 我也快要把我过去拥有的像你一样从指缝中溜走 可现在 拾回了 却割伤了自己 我 真 的 好 疼 可我知道失去也会一样疼 我已经鼓起勇气了 你呢？ 'I will throw my voice into the stars and Maybe the echo of my words will be written for you in the clouds by sunrise. All I'm trying to say is: I will love you Through the darkness.' and now you said you forsee the darkness, but you re not going to walk through with me, are you? What are those words if you dont mean it?

Again... time... Space... and freedom... I live in life full of lies! And i hate it everytime u leave. Left only me, myself and I. How can I afford to lose again? tell me how much price i should pay for this? I never learn, is it? Or im the real psychic.

Time flies and here comes the final year of my unilife. So, we have decided to make use of our one week long sembreak to create some precious memory in current life chapter. And the destination we chose is Sabah- Borneo Island in Malaysia. Basically, I think our trip is kind of budget one. And this is a 4 days 3 nights trip . There is 7 of us throughout the whole trip. We've bought our two ways ticket during the airasia promo period which cost us for RM 260. (You might able to find a cheaper one though.) Alright, know what? We thought to get a short escape from the hot weather in Penang, who knows Sabah is having hazy weather that the scorching smell really irritates alot. So unlucky. The very first thing i like about this trip is the accommodation, not only the place is strategic but the hygiene is really good. We stayed in Marina Court Resort in Kota Kinabalu Town and did our booking through called in. It's only 6 min away from the airport. The guy is nice as the price...